Monday 20th August 2007.

Today, the song that I have had in my head has been "Feeling groovy" by Simon and Garfunkel.

Okay, time for some fashion hints and tips. Men first.

1) Please do NOT wear white shoes with black trousers, especially if you work in an office. It looks like you've trodden in the Tippex.

2) Open toed sandals are not attractive if your toenails bend over the edge.

3) Teeny tiny shorts and sleeveless t-shirts are not de riguer in Birmingham. I know we have a beach in Chamberlain Square but it's not a real one - honest!

Women next.

1) If you're over 23, leggings are not a good look. If you're ANY age and over 11 stone, leggings will never be a good look. Black may be slimming but not if you're wearing a tight sleeveless top on top.

2) If your feet are going to be on show, please make sure they are clean and the cracked hard skin has been removed.

3) Teeny tiny shorts can only be worn if you have the figure, age or are on holiday in Benidorm.